Nepali Ukhan Tukka(नेपाली उखान टुक्का)

Nepali ukhan tukkas that were spoken all around us as we grew up in Nepal. Perhaps, these ukhans which did make a LOT of common sense at one time will revive those senses yet once again.
राजाको काम चारैतिर बदनाम
बादरको पुच्छर टाई न इँजार
तरुनी हुँदा सयवटा पोई,मर्ने बेला कोइ न कोइ ।
कलिवुडको जात्रा तिघ्राको व्यापार।
सीतैंमा पाये भट्टि रीत्तै ।
के खोज्छस् नेता ? कुर्सी ।
घाँटी हेरी हाइनेक किन्नु ।
रातभरि सराप्यो महाजन त जिउदै ।
जोगीको घरमा हिप्पी पाहुना ।
एक पल्ट पकरा्उ परेको चोर पोस्टम्यानलाई देख्दा पनि भाग्छ ।
भुक्ने कुकुर भुकिरहन्छ टोक्ने कुकुर सुतिरहन्छ ।
जँहा केरा उहिँ मदिसे को देरा ।
रातभरि पढ्यो जाँचमा चाहिँ लड्यो ।
मुर्ति चोर लाई पशुपति न गुहेश्वरी ।
बाहुन को टुप्पी एन्टेना न एरियल ।
कस्ता कस्ता आन्दाेलनमा गए नपत्याउनेहरु घरमा ।
राजाको मति १२ बर्ष प्रजातन्त्रमा राखे पनि बाँङ्गाको बाँङ्गै ।
खाई न पाई दौरामाथि टाई ।
नपाउनेले के पायो काक्रोलाई चियामा चोबेर खायो ।
आजकालका केटी स्टाइलको भारी
टाउकोमा भने डिस्को गर्ने जुम्राको ढाडी ।
आमा बाबुलाई समस्या टार्न गार्हो
छोराछोरीलाई भने स्टाईल नै प्यारो
श्रीमती कति बाठी
बोका स्टाईलको केश काटी
तोङ्बा तान्ने छोरालाई ईन्द्रको बाउ चन्द्र आए पनि छेक्न सक्दैन् ।
प्रेमिकाले छोडेको कहिले कहिले
लभलेटर लेख्छन् आहिले
घिच्न जान्दैनन् पकाउनेलाई दोष ।
दाह्रि हेरि शेभ गर्नु ानुहार हेरि प्रेम गर्नु ।
आमा पनि ब्युटी छोरि पनि ब्युटी
बाउले गर्नु पर्ने चुलाको ड्युटी
जुत्ताको माला लगाएको नेता छाला देख्दा तर्सन्छ ।
प्रशासनमा घुसखोरी
जनता बोल्दैनन् मुख फोरी ।
जेठी बुढीको राम्रो कुरा तितो
कान्छीको चाहिँ झटारो नै मिठो ।

jo chor usko thulo swor”
जो चोर उसको ठूलो स्वर
Homiez wit da stolen goodz are loud as heil.

“Nachana jandaina angan tedo”
नाच्न जान्दैन आँगन टेढो
Yo dunno how to move and you bitchin the basement is out of da groove

“Kam kuro eka tira kumlo boki thimi tira”
काम कुरो एकातिर कुम्लो बोकी ठिमीतिर
you lazy ass you leave all yo work behind and yo walk around the bronx wit yo backpack.

“Kane goru lai aunsi na purne”
काने गोरुलाई औंसी न पूर्णे
the blind bull never know whether is full moon or not — yo dawg that sounds like some zen shit yo

“Afu bhalo ta jagat bhalo”
आफु भलो त जगत भलो
Yo ain’t good nobody aint good

“Huney biruwa ko chillo pat”
हुने बिरुवाको चिल्लो पात
these green and shiny buds are gonna grow into some fine weed.

# Khai Na Pai Chhaalaa ko Topi Lai?
# Hing Nabhaye Pani Hing Bandheko Taalo chha?
# Hissa Budi, Khissa Daant?
# Kaam Paayenas Buhari Paadaako kundo kanya?
# Ghaanti Herera Haad Nilnu?
# Najaane Gauko Baatai Nasodhnu?
# Dui Joiko Poi Kunaa pasi roi?
# Lhasama Sun Chha, Mero Kaan Buchchai?
# Artha Na Bartha Govinda Gai
# Jun Goruko sing chaina uskai nam Tikhe?
# Khane Mukh Lai Junga Le Chhek Daina
# Kina chauris Mareech afnai piro le?
# Mukha ma RAM RAM bagali ma chura?
# Choro paune kaile kaile bhoto siune aile?
# Andho ko des ma kano Raja?
# Ama bhanda chori janne: khukuri bhanda kardha lagne?
# Nepal janda, kapal sangai?
# Joo Jogi aaye pani kan chereko?
# Aakash ko phal aankha tari mal?
# Handi ma kanika rahungel randi lai nindra lagdaina?
# Kashi jane Kutti ko bato?
# Bujne lai Shrikhanda Nabujne lai khurpa ko bid?
# Jo chor uskai danko thulo?
# Raat bhari karayo Dachina harayo?
# Na khaun bhane din vary ko sikar khaun bhane Kancha bau ko anuhar?
# Kaam kuro eka teera kumlo boki Thimi tira?
# Alchi Tigro Swadee Jibro?
# Ghyu Na Tel Paka Budi Sel?
# Napaune le kera payo bokrai sita khayo
# Chokta khaana gayeki budhi jhol ma dubera mori?
# Na khauo bhane dir bhari ko sikar Khauo bhane Kancha Bauo ko anuhar?
# Naya naya byahuli bhaie doli chadi hagna gaie?
# Gaandi le khayo rayoo ko saag?
# Nani bhanda aachi thulo?
# Ek jana radi ko das wata poi marne bela koi na koi?
# Raat vari karayo dachina harayo?
# Ke khojchas kano; kankho?
# Kina chauris marich; affnai piro le?
# Bujne lai SriKhanda; na-bujne lai khurpa ko bid?
# Saoon ma ankha futya Goru le sadhaei hariyo dekhcha?
# Kaaga lai bel pakyo; harsh na bismat?
# Booka ko mukh ma kubindo?
# Kukur lai masu paencho?
# Sap lai dudha na khuwaonu?
# Baandar ko hath ma nariwal?
# Kaag ko phul chorne?
# Baar chora; teera naati; budha ko kumlo kandha mathi?
# Baar barsa kukur ko puchchar dhungro ma rakheni; jasta ko testae?
# Choori kuti; buhari tarsaune?
# Vagya ma cha bhandi ma DOKO ma dudha rahadaina?
# Baar barsa RAMAYAN padhayo; SITA kaski joeee?
# Vagyamaani ko bhutaie kamaro?
# Saap lai dhudha khwaera palna hundaina?
# Baakhraa ko puchchar khaeko jasto?
# Cheparoo ko katha jasto?
# Baato na ghaato; daudincha lato?
# Joo aguwa; uee baato haguwa?
# Aarr ka le hatti chadyo bhandai ma; dhuri chdnu hudaina?
# Ghar ko baagh: baahira ko syaal?
# Boolnee ko chaamal bikcha: nabolnee ko pitho ni bikdaina?
# Gaira ko ghar lai paira ko dar; danda ko ghar lai landaaa dar?
# Baisa ma syaal pani ghorlee huncha?
# Aarr ka jioo ko jumra dekhne; aafno jioo ko bhaisi pani nadekhne?
# Haluwa ma baluwa?
# Jasle maha kaadchha usle haat chatchha?
# Jun jogi ayeni kaan nai chireko?
# Affai ta Mahadev uttano tang kasle dela baar?
# Baahun le chyao khawosna swad pawos?
# Agulto le polya biralo; bijuli chamkida tarsincha?
# Bolae na tolae; lule puchchar dolae?
# Shivaji ko tesro netra jasto?
# Kashi jane; Kutti ko baato?
# Lahsa ma sun cha; mero kaan buchchae?
# Baandar ko puchchar lauro na hatiyar?
# Raat bhari karayo dachina harayo?

Funny Proverbs at humjayega.tk

    Man who run behind car get exhausted.
    He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
    I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
    I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn’t explain away afterwards.
    The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door..
    Money isn’t everything, there are master cards and visa cards..
    There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore.
    Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage
    A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
    If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
    Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
    Half of the people in the world are below average.
    To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
    When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout!
    Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
    It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
    A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on
    Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
    I can resist everything except temptation.
    It’s a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference.
    The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
    A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
    Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
    If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
    Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
    Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
    The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
    Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn’t have to experience it.
    Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
    Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach.
    Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
    You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
    Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.

Chinese Funny Proverbs

    Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
    Man who run in front of car get tired.
    Man who run behind car get exhausted.
    Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
    Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
    Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
    Man with one chopstick go hungry.
    Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
    Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
    Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
    Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
    War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
    Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
    Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
    It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
    Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
    Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
    Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
    Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.